Do you ever get that feeling that everything's slowly falling apart around you?
I hate that feeling.

Sunday morning

So lost right now

Got my nose pierced, and going red tomorrow.. Slightly nervous!

Well, it looks as though I won't be making an effort with you anymore.
I feel low, ill and tired at the moment. I can't wait until summer, I wish it was how it used to be.



P.S can I look like her please?

Bon Iver

It would be so nice if you made an effort once in a while...
It's quite surprising how much my mood is changing from good to bad recently, at least I'm keeping myself occupied so I don't get as annoyed.

Today was quite successful, lots of revision!

I miss it.

I like saturday's!

ANGRY
OVER EMOTIONAL
EXCITED
TIRED
OBESE
SPOTTY
BAD DREAMS

Control, a tub of Green and blacks and Ian Curtis... Perfect.

Hello, it's been a while...
Finally half way through these exams and instead of doing some much needed revision I have decided to update this blog, even though I doubt much of my babbling interests you. Im excited for finishing, I have made a little list of everything I want to do over the summer;

1. GET SKINNY!
2. Dye hair
3. See friends who I haven't seen in a while
4. Worry less

I really hope these all happen, especially the 3rd and ofcourse the 1st- I think exams have taken their toll on me and made me swell up like a balloon which I'm not very impressed about. I aplogise for my moaning, but it's natural!

I don't have much to write on this at the moment and I should probably go back to something slightly more productive.



Oh and I want this dress!

Oral

(French) is finished thank goodness.
My hair looks so short that I am sure people must mistake me for a boy. I wish I didn't have it cut oh dear.
I also look horrendous in my prom dress.

Not a happy bunny.

Why do we like to hurt so much?

I want twiggy's hair.

Gimme a break

Quite literally...
I had a peculiar thought tonight during my bath.
I don't have much to write these days or even have any pictures that I like, so my posts will now consist of me jibbering on.
Although I am sounding quite morbid, my mum did just find an artical on burlesque for me so I am excited to go and read it!



Old yet still one of my favourite pictures <3

Goodbye

Social life, I am now officially house bound and will not be out until summer. I am also currently bordering on depression. How sad.

Morning

Or afternoon even! I am sat eating my weight in chocolate and it feels very good! My mum bought me the most amazing easter egg and I have demolished it all!

Huff

I have a cold and feel like the walking dead. My sense of taste and smell has left me and I am sat in a rather over sized hoody with the hood up and a red nose, I feel as though I am rudolf. *Huff*

Over the last couple of days I have been away with him and it was really lovely, although my family were rather awful! I have done no revision so far, but I intend on cracking on in these next few days as I refuse to fail! I feel very tired tonight and want nothing more than a hot chocolate and a girly movie!

April fools day..

Chocolate cake is the way to my heart..
I'm not fooling you honestly.

It is amazing

How one person can change your mood so quickly!

I had a pretty nice weekend minus that really, now on this miserable Sunday afternoon I am supposed to be revising but have no energy and my mind is elsewhere.... hmft.

The final countdown!

So, just over a week until I break up for Easter holiday and then its all doom and gloom from there on in! My negative mood seems to have picked up this week, I had a lovely weekend; a little bit of retail therapy and a lovely day with Sarah!
I have decided that if I have enough money left over this weekend I am going to buy a corset in order to start my waist training. I have also decided very suddenly that I will exercise in the Easter holidays and make sure I eat all my fruit and vegetables (there must be something wrong with me)! My mother has insisted that 'he' comes away with us to visit my grandparents, I am slightly nervous about that though...
Hopefully this week wont drag too much as I am excited about this weekend for some reason, maybe something good will happen! Who knows..

Busy Bee

This week has been pretty hectic, meaning I haven't really posted one of these in a while. I've had ridiculous amounts of work which I'm not really appreciating at the moment! On this lovely Wednesday evening, I am currently sat literally eating as much chocolate as I can stuff in my mouth, I know I'm seriously going to regret that in the morning.
On a brighter note, the weather has been so nice this week which makes me wish that I wasn't stuck in lessons all day, it would be so nice to relax somewhere that isn't my school grounds! My mum got back from her little trip away and has been nagging me since she arrived home, I think she's really enjoying reminding me that I have exams in basically a month. My mood seems to have deteriorated and so has my will power. I need to start doing things but I just cant be bothered to. I feel quite negative at the moment, hopefully things will pick up soon!

Dying

For some chocolate! Hardly a problem but I could really do with some!

Immature

–adjective
1. not mature, ripe, developed, perfected, etc.
2. emotionally undeveloped; juvenile; childish.

Oh look, thats me.
Perhaps I should change the heading to 'sarcastic', much more suited!

When your around

Life is the best.

So today wasn't all that bad, apart from the fact most of my friends were out of school today which was quite depressing! I did a lovely little essay in english which I actually enjoyed, I haven't written something along those lines in a while. Nothing particularly exciting happened today which isn't the usual case, an arguement has to occur sometime this evening! I'm starting to dislike my appearence very much at this moment in time, which is annoying me slightly. I seem to see every other girl in a better light than me. Although I've never been the most confident gal you could meet, I have somewhat let my appearence lag lately. I no longer have as much 'passion for fashion' quite literally. I try to be as individual with my clothing as possible but it seems lately I'm failing and resorting to not putting any thought into anything anymore! I'm really not this self obsessed, I PROMISE!! My weight is also becoming a massive issue for me, if I don't start this diet soon, which everyday I seem to put off with every excuse under the sun, I will pop and turn into an elephant!

Her

Despite me being a very moody person, I adore my best friend and the memories we share together! We have met death in the eye, quite literally. She is a beautiful, wonderful person and never ceases to make me laugh and enjoy life that little bit more. As soppy and perhaps cheesy as this sounds to some people, I can always count on her and believe that a little paragraph in an 'online' blog could never show my appreciation towards her.

1.

I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour
But heaven knows I'm miserable now

I was looking for a job, and then I found a job
And heaven knows I'm miserable now

In my life
Why do I give valuable time
To people who don't care if I live or die ?

Two lovers entwined pass me by
And heaven knows I'm miserable now

And so it begins

Another week, another lot of arguements and even more stress. My ulsa has become bigger, my headaches are getting worse and although im generally happy I am finding things slightly hard at the moment, possibly due to the realisation that exams are looming. I also felt slightly odd today, more than usual. I felt sort of 'out of it' just not myself.
He seems in a bad mood again today, angry at me. I really don't want to argue with him. I felt pretty rubbish for sending him a long letter and him not bothering to reply to it, although I don't really show it, I am soppy at heart.
I am looking forward to the summer months where by I can sleep as much as I want and be stress free, until then I guess it's work work work.
My diet didn't seem to go well today either! Another downfall of mine! I ate so much cake, crisps and biscuits today I feel as though im gonna pop!
I will be skinny soon, I promise you body!!

Reflection

After a really hectic weekend I think I am finally happier again. Friday and Saturday were lovely, Jessie's was hysterical and retail therapy definately helped!
I also went on the London Eye which was so beautiful at night, the whole of London was lit up, and when he was standing next to me, it felt right again. I really missed his attention and affection towards me. I was pleasantly surprised by the gift I got once I got home, so all in all I'm a pretty happy bunny right now!

I've added slightly more to this as I have found the most beautiful pictures of dita

Today

Was lovely, I love friends <3

This

Sums up everything at the moment;

Blood Blood Blood

Well if you hadn't guessed, my topic of this post is blood. No im not a vampire, I just got a call saying i need more blood tests which I am not looking forward too. Anyway, today was boring as usual, and didn't recieve my text from a certain somebody which I was dissapointed about, oh well life goes on. I'm extremely excited about this weekend to see Jessie and it will take my mind off things.
I also have decided to write lists tonight, I think it might help me order things better ! My mum bought me the new 'LOVE' magazine and to my surprise, it actually has some amazing photography and ideas in there! Going to have a read of that in bed tonight!

The hardest

Day I have had in a while, Im no good at this decision making. This weekend was lovely as I spent time with alot of close friends, but listening to him on the phone hurt me alot. I hate how he's ruined us. I hate how he made me feel like a fool, but most of all I hate how he's damaging himself. I miss the summer months when I didn't even do much but spent all my time with friends, drinking and him.
Now I have to go and write my english essay on an important person in my life, oh dear!!

Foolish

I get lied to again. Does this ever end?

I have a new love for

NUTELLA PANCAKES!!
Wow.
The best thing that I have eaten for years.
<3

The look

of jealousy. Everytime I look at her I think shes better than me.

morbid
morbid
morbid


I miss so any people :(

Je suis tombe amoureux

I have decided to write significant 'love' first's;

The first time I had a "real" kiss was with the same boy who I had my first sexual experience with.

The first time I thought I was in love was when I was 14 years old.

The first time I had my heart broken was when I found out the boy I loved was in actual fact in love with somebody else.

My first post

enjoy.